


Radioactive

by deadgranger



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drama, Multi, Post-Canon, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2015-12-14
Packaged: 2018-04-13 09:50:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4517313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadgranger/pseuds/deadgranger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bellamy and Clarke constantly butted heads as they tried to lead the 100 under the watchful eye of Abby and Kane until they take things into their own hands in Mount Weather. What happens after Clarke leaves Camp Jaha and Bellamy is left alone to help govern their people and deal with the repercussions of the actions they took together?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pain

Bellamy Blake had been a pain in my ass since the minute the drop ship landed on the ground.

Even though he was older than all of us by five years at least, it still didn’t give him the right to boss everyone around. The Ark dropped us on the wrong mountain and he didn’t even care. He just kept saying, “Whatever the hell we want!” and sleeping with any willing girl. Very mature of a twenty-three-year-old former Cadet. However, I could see he wasn’t all that bad due to his little sister, Octavia. The way he looked at her, I knew that he would go to the ends of the earth for her to protect her. That love he had for his sister was something none of the rest of the hundred would ever really understand because none of us had siblings. In a way, though, we were all one big family now, and Bellamy and I played the parents.

I shuddered. Well, that was a weird way to describe being co-leaders with him.

Anyway, back to my point. Bellamy being an asshole. His asshole ways constantly caused us to butt heads and argue endlessly about things like finding food and preparing for the winter. It wasn’t until he killed Dax that I figured out it was mostly just an act. He was just as scared as the rest of us but felt like he couldn’t express it because he was older and in charge so he didn’t get to have emotions aside from anger or love and worry for his sister.

In those few moments after Dax’s attempt on Bellamy’s life and then Dax's subsequent death, Bellamy’s face was wide open, his emotions plain to see. That was when I first began to trust him.

It wasn’t until I felt his strong arms wrap around me and hold me tightly to him after he returned to Camp Jaha that I knew that I cared more for him than I used to. Just because we didn’t always get along or disagreed on what was best for the camp didn’t mean there wasn’t mutual respect or an emotional bond between us. We need each other because together, we were strong. Together, we would take down the Mountain Men.

Or at least, that’s what I thought until we pulled the lever that killed hundreds of innocent people in order to rescue less than one hundred of my people. Until I carried that burden with me so they wouldn’t have to, so he wouldn’t have to. The next time I knew I trusted Bellamy was when I decided to leave Camp Jaha for good, and he didn’t push for a better reason why.

And now I’ve left them all there, wondering if I’ll ever see them again. I get sad for a moment, but it dissipates quickly because I know I chose the right thing; that the hurt in Bellamy’s eyes was necessary, so they could all move on and heal and _live_.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A month passed before I really found what I was looking for. I spent that time wandering the forest, forcing myself to stay away from the drop ship camp and TonDC. Either the Grounders were still holding true to the truce I’d made with Lexa, or they were just very afraid of me because I saw no hints of them anywhere. Whichever it was, I couldn’t care less about—I would do my best to kill anyone who attacked me with peaceful or criminal intention. A few times, when I wandered too close to Camp Jaha, I heard guards and scouting parties shouting my name, echoing my mother’s desperate hope her daughter would return to her. But that would never be, because the daughter she knew had ceased to exist the moment that lever was pulled.

The person who rose from the ashes of the massacre of the Mountain Men was a girl with too much blood on her hands, too much guilt resting on her shoulders, too much pain inside her. A girl who could not look anyone in the eye without feeling all of those whose lives she had taken to get her people back. Four hundred and eighty dead, to get forty-four living.

I had reached the front door of Mount Weather. I was running on fumes and I knew it. It was the only reason I was able to make it inside the mountain. This was what kept me going as I began the arduous process of burying everyone with the proper rituals. Days ran together but still I buried them, from dawn to dusk, never taking a break to eat or drink until after the day’s work was finished. The Ark had been quick in their search for food, so considerable amounts of it still remained, although most of the perishable items had already expired. It took all my willpower to chew, swallow, and repeat each morning and night because I knew I would keel over and die otherwise, and that was a luxury I didn’t deserve yet.

Due to my poor eating habits, though, I was losing weight. My pants hung loose around my hips, my shirt didn’t cling as tightly, and my jacket didn’t fit so snug. It should have concerned me what with winter coming, but I was focused on finishing the task I’d set myself, so I shoved it to the back of my mind to be dealt with later.

With each passing day, the weather grew colder and on my final day of burying the bodies, I noticed frost on the ground. Awed, I touched it with curiosity, watching as it melted on my fingertips; this was something that signaled the beginning of winter on earth, as far as I knew from my earth skills lessons. It meant the ground would soon freeze over and snow would begin to fall. I widened my gaze to the mountainside and noted that the trees’ leaves were all red, purple, brown; a few trees even had faintly blue leaves due to the radiation, but many leaves had already fallen to the ground. The burials must have been taking much longer than I had thought. It was still fairly warm each day when I began my task but it rapidly cooled off as the sun set, so several weeks must have gone by without me even noticing. 

Frowning, I looked down at my hands, past the dirt and blood, to see the ragged nails and taut skin stretched over my bones. Clenching my hands, I returned to the task at hand. Once I finished burying the last body as the sun set, I returned to the room I’d claimed as mine. Washing my hands quickly and efficiently of the dirt and blood accumulated throughout the day, I looked down at them again. The skin, rubbed raw and red still held an unhealthy pallor to it. Out of habit my gaze flicked upward only to be confronted with a white sheet in place of a mirror. I took a deep breath before removing the sheet I’d covered the mirror with.

The person looking back at me wasn’t the Clarke I knew. This person looked feral, unkempt, _animal_ -like. Clarke of the Sky People was no longer. She was Clarke of no peoples. And I didn’t feel any less guilty for what I’d done. In a surge of anger, I punched the mirror, shattering the glass and breaking a knuckle or two in the process, sending glass shards flying everywhere. Blood dripped down my fingertips, leaving puddles on the sink and floor. I didn’t even try to avoid the shattered glass on the floor; my feet looked as if they were jewel-encrusted.

I felt nothing except for rage. I felt rage at the guilt the Mountain Men had caused me, because I murdered them, innocent and culpable alike. Rage, because I couldn’t save everyone. Rage, because I’d been foolish enough to believe Lexa would pull through with our alliance. Rage, because she’d played me and I’d fallen for it. Rage, because I’d sent Bellamy into Mount Weather to die to prove I wasn’t weak because I cared for him. Rage, because I had almost gotten Bellamy killed because I’d stupidly trusted Lexa.

And finally, I felt guilt because everything that had happened up until now was my fault, and no one else’s. Charlotte jumped off the cliff to stop Bellamy and I’s standoff with Murphy over her—my fault. I’d caused Raven to get shot in the spine by giving Murphy a second chance. He killed three kids in response and their blood was now on my hands. Finn’s shooting spree in the Grounder village that killed eighteen innocent people; their blood was on my hands too. Finn’s death was my doing, my way of attempting to free him from his own guilt and replacing it with mine. The kids of the hundred that didn’t make it during the battle with the Grounders, they were mine too. Those who didn’t survive in Mount Weather, their blood was on my hands too.

Hands that could never be scrubbed clean.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**_Bellamy’s POV:_ **

Clarke’s been gone for three days. Three very, very long days. The moment I’d turned my back on her and walked back into Camp Jaha I knew it was a mistake to let her go. I also knew there was nothing I could say or do that would change her mind. While I may not have liked her decision, I knew she had to do this one thing so that everyone could move on, heal, and live. So I let her go. This, I gave her.

Before we left Mount Weather, those of us remaining from the original hundred brought out Maya’s body and gave her a proper burial, outside, where she truly belonged. Without her, we would all be dead thanks to Cage Wallace’s craze for our bone marrow to send his people outside for the first time in generations. Without her, I would be one of the dead, strung up and drained of my blood to then be sent to the Reapers as food before Clarke would even know if I made it inside successfully. Maya was one of us, and she deserved that recognition.

Jasper took Maya’s death as poorly as expected. He saw her death as a homicide, and Clarke and I were her murderers. He even saw Monty as having played a role in her death because he accessed the computer that allowed us to irradiate level five. The only person Jasper talked to now was Raven, and sparingly at that. Most of the time he sat in a back corner of camp, carving intricate patterns into any stick he could get his hands on; I could only assume he did this to keep his mind and hands occupied as best he could, so I didn’t bother him.

The moment word spread to the remaining members of the hundred that Clarke was gone, they swarmed around me, bombarding me with questions and exclamatory remarks about how I shouldn’t have let her go, utilizing a few choice words to let me know exactly how they felt about the situation. I let them shout out their frustration and fear for a few minutes until I decided enough was enough.

“Shut it!” I roared, halfway tempted to fire a warning shot into the air for emphasis. They quieted in an instant, waiting for me to explain.

“Clarke is gone, that’s true,” I held up a hand as shouts exploded once more from the teenagers surrounding me. Once they were settled, I continued, “What’s not true is that she was forced to leave. She left of her own free will, to bear the weight of the past few days’ events so that you don’t have to. Clarke left to save us all, to free us all from any guilt we might have about what happened at Mount Weather. She is doing this for us, for you. She wants you to move on, but still remember those who didn’t make it with us to today. Grieve and mourn—for those close to you who didn’t make it—for as long as you need. Once you’re ready, Camp Jaha will need you.”

My gaze swept the crowd of bloody and battered teenagers standing in front of me, resolve and grief and pain clear on every single one of their faces. My eyes settled on Jasper, standing on the fringe of the group. I focused on him as I said, “Clarke did what she had to do in order for our people to survive. I did what I had to do to for the same reason. So if you need someone to blame, I’m here. I’ll accept it. But what I need for all of you to realize are three things. One, this isn’t going to be like camp at the drop ship anymore, there are rules and we have to follow them; two, most of your families are down here now—you should be with them; and three, it’s about more than just surviving the next day now—now we have to prepare for the long haul, which means helping out wherever we’re needed without complaining.”

“All I’m asking of you is one simple thing: _live_. Live, and be happy to be alive and on the ground. Now go, you all have things to do,” I finished, my voice rough and gravelly from such extended use.

Nearly everyone dispersed, hushed conversations breaking out all over. Monty, Miller, Octavia, Lincoln, Wick, and Raven stayed behind, their faces saying it all. O’s hand on my arm released me from the confident, stoic leader posture I’d been holding while giving my speech. My heart felt constricted, as if it had just now figured out Clarke was gone and not coming back any time soon and was weeping for her. I felt my jaw clench and unclench.

“Bell, it’s going to be okay. She’ll be fine out there,” Octavia reassured me, her words sounding hollow.

“I need her, O. She’s what kept me from making stupid decisions, my voice of reason. We pulled that lever together—I carry the weight of that just as much as her. Why did she think everything was hers to bear? Why couldn’t she have stayed, O?” my voice cracked on the word “stayed.”

Octavia pulled me into a hug, tucking her head into the space between my shoulder and neck.

“Because she needed to hurt you or you wouldn’t have let her go,” Raven said, a knowing look in her eyes.

“Clarke will come back. And we’ll be ready for her when she does,” Monty promised. Miller inclined his head, indicating he agreed with Monty’s sentiment.

“She trusts you to take care of your people,” added Lincoln. “She knows you have a strong heart and mind to do what needs doing for your people.”

I swallowed hard, composing myself. “Alright then. Let’s see what Chancellor Abby has in mind now that we’ve joined our camps.”

~*~*~*~

After the meeting with the council finished, I stormed out of the room, furious at the way they treated me as if I had no right to be there even as the leader of the hundred. They didn’t even care that I was twenty-three and very much an adult—the fact I’d been with the hundred separated me from them, and therefore the hundred from the rest of camp. It didn’t help matters that Abby could barely talk to me, let alone look me in the eyes. She blamed me for her daughter leaving, but I didn’t say anything to tell her otherwise.

Clarke left to bear everything else so our people wouldn’t have to feel guilty, and I stayed behind to take the blame for everything we did as co-leaders in the best interest of the hundred.

But now, after we’d spent so long building a community and a system where everyone had a vital job, we were being relegated once again to teenagers who didn’t know what we were doing, even though we clearly knew much more than they did about surviving on the ground.

I walked to the room Raven and Wick had taken over for their various engineering and mechanical projects. My boots echoed in the metal hallways. They’d been waiting for me to get out of the meeting since it started, evident from the fiddling they were doing on half-finished projects. Raven stood up immediately once I entered the room.

“So what’s going to happen now?” she asked, setting the twisted mass of metal in her hand to the side. Wick paused his tinkering and looked up at me, doubt in his eyes.

Sighing, I ran a hand through my already messy hair. “Nothing, right now. At least, aside from preparing for winter and continuing to look for Clarke,” I said, defeated.

“Are you serious?” Raven demanded, disbelief etched on her face.

I nodded in confirmation. Raven groaned and threw the screwdriver in her hand at the wall. I didn’t flinch at the noise.

“That’s why I want you to talk to Abby. I know the two of you aren’t as close as you used to be but she still holds a soft spot for you, Raven. If you talk to her and tell her that looking for Clarke is a lost cause—which it is—and that she doesn’t want to be found, she’ll listen to you. She won’t listen to me because she blames me for letting Clarke go in the first place,” I replied.

Raven thought about it for a few seconds. “What’s in it for me?”

I faltered at that. I hadn’t really thought about it further than just getting Abby to stop looking for Clarke. “I’ll build a memorial for Finn, and any of the other hundred we’ve lost along the way since being on the ground,” I stated without thinking, surprising Raven, Wick, and myself with it.

“You’ve got yourself a deal, Blake. Now get out, Wick and I have work to do,” Raven shooed me out of the room, closing the door behind me.

A smile flashed across my face quick enough it seemed like it almost didn’t happen. In truth, I didn’t know what to expect from Raven when I went to talk to her, so I was content she would be talking to Abby shortly. Now I just had to keep up my end of the deal and build that memorial.

~*~*~*~*~*~

**_Clarke’s POV:_ **

I woke up hours later to find that the knuckles I’d broken while punching the mirror had swollen severely, making it difficult to move the first two fingers on my right hand. Then I felt the throbbing in my feet and looked down at them, noting just how much glass I’d ingrained into the soles of my feet.

 _Well today is going to be shitty,_ I thought, wincing as I attempted to stand. I cried out at the contact between cold cement and my torn up feet. Grimacing, I sat back down and set my left foot on my right knee and prepared to get as much of the glass out as possible. I pulled out the larger shards by hand before settling with having to brush the rest of it off with some force. Covering my hand with the sleeve of my shirt, I slowly began to rub at the sole, hissing in pain as I moved the shards from their place in my foot and onto the bed next to me. I repeated these steps with my other foot and gave them both a last once-over before carefully putting my socks on and tentatively walking out of the bedroom to the small kitchen area.

I made it to the sink before my feet really started burning with pain, so I jumped up to kneel on the counter to take the pressure off them. Thankfully, the counter was wide enough I could comfortably open the cabinet doors without having to lean too far backwards and risk falling. Somehow I managed to prepare myself a bowl of plain oatmeal without having to be on my feet at all. And so I sat there on the counter, legs dangling, eating my oatmeal and wondering just what the hell I was going to do today if I could barely walk more than thirty feet at a time. It was just my luck there was absolutely nothing in the rooms I’d claimed that were medical supplies or that had wheels on it I could roll around on. I resigned myself to crawling around on all fours until I found something suitable for travel around the complex and I wrapped my feet up.

Setting my bowl in the sink, I lowered myself to the floor and then got down on my hands and knees to crawl to the door, feeling like such an idiot. But I deserved this humiliation because I was stupid enough to punch the mirror in my anger and feeling of loss. I reached up and turned the door handle, pulling the door open. My boots were stationed just to the side of the door, so I grabbed those, tied the laces together, and hung them around my neck before resuming my crawl to the outside hallway. And so I went, crawling on all fours to the medical center for bandages and medicine because I’d been stupid and thoughtless.

 _If only Bellamy could see me now,_ I thought, chuckling a little at the mental image of him berating me like I was a misbehaving child. Then that mental image morphed into the face full of conflicting emotion and pain from our goodbye and my smile faded. Those stupid puppy dog eyes had almost broken my resolve. By hurting Bellamy I had also hurt myself in the process. As I walked away from him, all I really wanted to do was run back to him and never let him go.

Shaking my head to clear it of thoughts that didn’t have permission to be there, I continued my journey to the medical center. After what seemed like ages, I finally reached it and sat back on my calves, catching my breath. It was a lot harder to crawl on hands and knees when one hand couldn’t have much pressure put onto it, and my feet had to stay off the ground in order to keep the contact from aggravating my wounds further. I scanned the shelving in front of me, looking for the antiseptic. Not finding it in this particular cabinet, I moved on to the next one, immediately finding a stash of antiseptic, bandages, medical tape, and suture thread.

I crawled over to one of the examination tables and set everything on one end of it before lifting myself onto it. I peeled off my bloodstained socks and put them to my left for later. Before I got to work on my feet, I taped the first three fingers of my right hand together and then tightly bandaged it to reduce the swelling and immobilize it as best I could one-handed. Once that was finished, I looked at the damage that sleeping and then walking on my feet had done. Since the larger shards had already been taken out, it was more just getting those cuts cleaned and covered before working on the small stuff. I’d found a pair of tweezers next to the suture thread so I used those to pluck out all of the tiny pieces of glass I could see in my feet. That task alone took at least an hour as I had to make sure every last bit was out of my feet, otherwise they could be messed up for the rest of my life and I didn’t want that at all.

I rubbed copious amounts of antiseptic on each foot and let it sit for several minutes before bandaging both of them up tight enough to speed the healing of the cuts, but loose enough that I could still move my ankles and toes. I breathed a sigh of relief as I cautiously touched my heels to the floor and didn’t have a tremendous amount of pain. Grabbing my socks from the table, I gingerly walked to the sink against the far wall and began washing the blood from them. As the water ran red with blood, flashbacks of all the times I’d seen people get injured or killed over the four months since we’d been on the ground assaulted me. 

Bellamy’s bloodied, relieved face after I’d hugged him in Camp Jaha swam into my vision then and refused to leave. I dropped the sock I’d been holding into the sink and gripped the edge of the sink with both hands, hanging my head. The way he’d hugged me back, the way he’d looked at me afterwards, was almost indescribable. Turning the water off, I wrung my socks out, gathered up the medical supplies I’d taken out and put them all into a bag I found nearby. I hung my boots back around my neck again, adjusting them so the laces weren’t rubbing too much on my neck.

As I lifted my head to see where I was going, Bellamy popped into existence right in front of the door. Startled, I shook my head to clear it and his image faded away. I exited the medical center and began the trek back to my rooms when I caught another glimpse of him in a glass door. My breathing quickened and I hobbled faster. A minute later he showed as I turned a corner.

“Why won’t you just leave me alone?” I screamed at Bellamy’s apparition. He just stood there, staring at me with an intensity I didn’t quite recognize coming from him. I crumbled to the floor, curling up into the fetal position and releasing tears I didn’t know had been building up. Hours passed as I sat there sobbing, finally letting myself feel everything I’d been repressing since I’d left Bellamy and Camp Jaha.

Once my sobs died down, I went to the classrooms and pulled a large sheet of precious, blank white paper out of a drawer and spilled a cup of colored pencils on one of the tables. I set the paper down and began drawing, my tears drying and breathing returning to normal. Slowly, a face began to take shape. Dark, messy curls above pained pools of smoky topaz, followed by freckles on tanned skin. A nose with a bit of a bump at the end came into being next, soon in the company of a mouth open in preparation for words that would never come. With each stroke of my pencils, Bellamy’s face appeared as it had when I left him standing at the gate to Camp Jaha.

My chest still heaved from the crying I’d done earlier, but it almost seemed to pick up as I stared at the drawing. I’d even drawn in a fading cut on his cheek from the intermittent time we hadn’t seen each other after I’d closed the drop ship door on him. His eyes were too realistic, too full of emotion for this to be a simple drawing. Quickly I rolled the paper up and practically ran back to my room, having to slow to a moderate hobble as pain pricked at my sensitive feet.

No matter what I did, Bellamy refused to leave my head. But there was no way I was going to return to Camp Jaha. I couldn’t, not yet. So once my feet were healed enough to walk longer periods of time, I packed up my meager belongings in a backpack, stuck the pistol in the waistband of my pants, and trekked into the forest.

But not before leaving something akin to a note for Bellamy in the classroom.   



	2. The Trail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashbacks and Findings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Sorry about the huge delay in chapters--I didn't quite know where I wanted this chapter to end so that took a while plus I got busy with school. Enjoy! xx

**_Bellamy’s POV:_ **

It was typical that I tossed and turned in my sleep, what with a new nightmare plaguing me nearly every night. But last night’s had been different; it seemed almost like a premonition of sorts. A premonition I didn’t want to come true.

_“Hello? Is anybody there?” my voice echoed loudly off the concrete walls of the base in Mount Weather. I pulled my gun from its place near my hip and held it out, prepared to fire at anything that moved. It was creepy being back in the place where I’d been strung up for my blood and then killed hundreds of innocent people to get forty-some of mine back. I had a gut feeling that Clarke was in here somewhere, and I was damn sure I was going to try and find her._

_I entered the children’s classroom, a pang of guilt striking me as I remembered the boy’s father I’d killed a few short months ago so I wouldn’t get caught being where I shouldn’t have been. A desk scattered with colored pencils and paper caught my eye on the far side of the room. I continued my cautious sweep as I made my way to the odd desk. My mouth gaped open at the sight before me. It was a drawing of me as I had looked when Clarke left me at the gate to Camp Jaha. My heart skipped a few beats while I stared down at the image of me, emotions swirling around and around in my head._

_A scuffle off to my right made me raise my gun again and look towards a set of cupboards against the back wall several feet in front of me._

_“Who’s there?” I said, my voice echoing off the walls. Silence. “Clarke, is that you?” I readjusted my grip on the gun. “It’s me, Bellamy.”_

_Another sound came from the cupboard. “Clarke, please come out. I’ll put my gun down, I promise. Please just come out of there,” I pleaded, feeling very paranoid and idiotic as I talked to a cupboard._

_No sound came from the spot my eyes had been boring holes into for the last five minutes._

_“Clarke,” my voice broke, my hands shook with the gun, and I could feel myself beginning to fall apart. The cupboard creaked once more; I lowered the gun to my side, preparing myself for whatever state she was in._

_I had no time to react as a feral, bloody Clarke Griffin launched herself out of her hiding place to stab me in the arm and neck with two sharpened pencils before sprinting out of the classroom._

I woke up shouting in pain from that terrible nightmare. Sweat covered my body and my legs were twisted in the furs I used as a blanket. Rubbing a hand over my eyes and then through my hair, I sat up and exhaled slowly. It felt so real, I pinched myself a couple of times to make sure I wasn’t still dreaming. Even so, something had been nagging at me for weeks but I couldn’t fathom what it was until I had that dream.

Clarke was in Mount Weather, and she needed help.

~*~*~*~

Just as the sun had begun rising over the horizon and shedding its light on the ground, I was up and ready for the day, my jacket zipped tightly against the bitter fall breeze blowing through the camp. I stalked over to the tent where Miller, Monty, Jasper, Harper, and Monroe were sleeping. I pulled back the opening and gruffly woke them up, shaking Monroe’s shoulder a bit to make sure she was fully awake.

“You guys have been itching to actually do something for the past couple of weeks. What do you guys say we go on a rescue mission?” I proposed, feeling a little lighter at their affirmative expressions, Jasper included.

“Who are we rescuing?” Monty asked.

I looked at each of them in turn. “You know exactly who,” I answered before I turned on my heel and exited their tent.

Now that I had my mobile force with me, the next item on my list was a chat with Raven and Wick. I did my best to keep my steps quiet as I traversed the station as hardly anyone was awake yet and would then most likely find out my plans to go after Clarke. After I almost tripped on a metal grate and made a complete fool of myself in front of a very puzzled woman, I succeeded in making it to the engineering room where I was sure to find Raven and Wick.

I knocked lightly on the door and waited until I heard a scratchy “Come in,” from Raven. Peeking my head inside first to ensure they had all of their clothes on, I then stepped in all the way and closed the door behind me. Wick remained fast asleep, snoring softly. Raven was rubbing the sleep from her eyes when she spoke. 

“Bellamy? Why are you—is it Clarke? Did she come back?” Raven’s voice changed from sleep-addled to curious in a nanosecond.

“No.  But I’m going to look for her. I’ve already rounded up Miller, Monty, Jasper, Harper, and Monroe. I had a—dream—about her last night, and I think she’s in Mount Weather,” I explained, watching as Raven’s expression went from elated to confused to worried.

“Why do you think she’s in Mount Weather? I would think that the fact she had to murder over three hundred people just to get us back would make her want to stay away from the place, you know? It doesn’t feel right to me. You shouldn’t go,” she advised.

I ran a hand through my unruly curls again. “Raven, I need to do this. If she’s not there, fine. But it’ll help me know, for sure. I came to you because we need a couple of radios so we can talk to each other while we search the base. You can talk with us too, keep us updated on the general hubbub of the camp while we’re gone so we know if they noticed us leaving.”

She nodded at that and remained silent after that so I prompted her, “Raven? You in? Cause we need you on this.”

Raven glanced down at Wick beside her before sending a steely gaze my way. “I’m always in,” she stated, rising from their bed and hobbling to a large container full of radios. “Channel six should be clear for us to use. You guys need to get in and out of there as fast as possible, or who knows what Abby might do when she finds out.” 

I pocketed one of the radios she handed me and kept the other two in my left hand. “Thank you, Raven. You’re awesome,” I said, giving her a quick one-armed hug before making to leave the room.

“Of course I am. Be safe in there,” she replied, already going to fiddle with the big radio on one of the tables.

I strode through the station with more confidence in my step as my plan came to fruition. The other five met me by the front gate with three backpacks full of rations and medical supplies, along with four handguns, a semiautomatic, and several weapons we used for hunting as a cover. All of us had at least two knives hidden on our persons at all times, but the guards on duty didn’t need to know that.

“Chancellor Griffin wants us to go hunting this morning to get more meat to last us the winter,” I stated with an authoritative air, hoping he didn’t see through the bullshit excuse.

The guard nodded and told his partner to open the gate, both of them most likely about to be relieved from night duty anyway so they were fatigued and didn’t bother searching us like they were supposed to. The six of us walked out of Camp Jaha in a casual manner until we were out of sight. Then, we began the real mission and quickened the pace to hopefully reach the mountain base by mid-afternoon. I tested our radio interaction with Raven about half an hour into the hike, relief flooding me when I got her crackly response. We stopped once around eleven in the morning to eat some rations and drink some water from a stream we happened across.

With the sun high in the sky but a chill still in the air, we reached the main gate of Mount Weather. We took a few minutes to catch our breath and replenish our energy, and to hash out the plan for when we got inside.

Monty and Jasper were arguing about where one room had been when something caught my eye higher up on the mountain. I stood up and held my hand above my eyes to block the sunlight to see it better. At first what looked like an odd mudslide was actually hundreds of graves on the mountainside next to a field of wildflowers. _Clarke_ , they seemed to exude.

“She’s here,” I stated flatly, pulling the gun out of my waistband and loading it. The others followed suit with their weapons and packed up the backpacks. “Raven, we’re going in,” I radioed back to her, not bothering to listen for a response. 

“Harper, go with Jasper; Monty, with Monroe; Miller, you’re with me,” I gave each pair a radio. “They’re set for channel six. Radio with any information you think is important. If you find Clarke, get her to me as quickly as possible. You ready?”

Everyone nodded in confirmation, if a bit shakily. I suppose it would be hard to return to the place where we’d been fed lies and then tortured for our blood and bone marrow. I led us in, gun firmly in hand and pointed just as I’d been taught in training as a cadet. All of that seemed useless now as we did our best just to survive each hour, let alone days and weeks.

As soon as we reached a stairwell, the six of us split into our pairs to search different floors. Miller and I went to level four, where the children’s classroom was and where I had the dream about Clarke. A sinking feeling pooled in the bottom of my stomach, causing the fear I’d felt last night to rise again. I swallowed hard before motioning Miller to stand on the other side of the door to the classroom. Readjusting my stance, I let him shoulder the door open before stepping in with my gun pointed out in front of me.

Miller was in front of me, so I couldn’t see why he put his gun down. “Miller, what the hell are you doing?” I demanded, stepping forward with my gun still out.

Once I was able to see what he was looking at, I lowered my gun as well. It was the drawing from my nightmare. Except it wasn’t a dream—it was _real_. Scrawled along the bottom in Clarke’s familiar handwriting were two sentences, and they were addressed to me.

_Bellamy, my mind can’t yet handle the consequences of what I’ve done, but in the safety of isolation away from everyone else for a while I can come to terms with it. You know the place where the mud meets the sunlight and the bark meets the leaves. –Clarke_

I had to read it several times before finally understanding her little riddle. “Monty, Jasper. I think you guys better come see this. We’re in the children’s classroom on level four,” I deadpanned into the radio.

Miller looked at me then, confusion etched in his face. I motioned for him to wait to ask questions until the other four got here so I wouldn’t have to repeat myself. The drawing had some sort of magnetic pull—I couldn’t look away from it for more than thirty seconds before my eyes would flit back to it. I could tell Clarke had put a lot of raw emotion into it due to the sharp pencil strokes and strong color. It made me wonder if she was hurt or had already lost her mind with the guilt and grief of the past months.

Before my mind could follow down that dangerous path, the other four showed up with their weapons up, cautious of why I’d called them here in the way I did. 

“What is it, Bellamy?” Harper finally asked.

“See for yourselves,” I made a sweeping gesture with my arm and stepped to the side.

Harper gasped loudly and then covered her mouth as if apologizing for making a sound. Monty, Jasper, and Monroe shared looks of shock and confusion.

“But what does it mean? Where is this place that she’s given to us in a riddle?” Monroe questioned.

I exhaled a large breath, rubbing the back of my neck. “It means she wants us to go looking for her. Or, it’s a trap that someone is setting for us to kill us and start a war with the Grounders and Camp Jaha again. Clarke did the drawing, but the note could very well be a forgery and therefore fake. We have to treat this very carefully,” I explained.

“You still haven’t told us where this place in that the riddle is referring to,” Monty cut in.

“It’s the place we slept after eating the hallucinatory nuts and stopping Dax in his assassination attempt,” I danced around the actual location. Monroe’s raised eyebrow told me that wasn’t enough of an answer. “It’s this place in the woods not far from the supply depot where we got the blankets and guns. We buried Dax there, so I’m sure I’ll be able to find it if his grave is still there.”

The rest of the group nodded and shouldered their packs.

“Well what are we waiting for? She could have written this weeks ago, we could be too late!” Jasper’s outburst surprised everyone. He shuffled on his feet uncomfortably as we stared at him with apparently incredulous expressions.

“I know I haven’t been the best person to be around the last few months because I still blamed Clarke and Bellamy for Maya’s death. I really only came along because I was sharing the tent with you guys and Bellamy didn’t say anything about not letting me go and because I wanted to confront Clarke about the things she did in Mount Weather. Once I saw the graves though, I changed my mind. I realized that my grief was clouding the logic of her decision so I shouldn’t hold a grudge against her—or you, Bellamy—because you were the only ones strong enough to do what needed to be done. And I can respect that. So I’m all in on this mission now. Let’s go find Clarke,” Jasper ended his unexpected speech.

With that off his chest, the air in the room felt lighter, as if everyone had stopped worrying about his mental state and were now focused solely on finding Clarke.

I nodded to Jasper to confirm I didn’t reserve any judgment against him. “Alright then. Let’s move out,” I stated.

Now that I knew Clarke had been in Mount Weather but was no longer here, I was anxious to get out of the bunker. We did one last cursory sweep of level five, finding the apartment Clarke must have been using, finding nothing that would lead us to her. I let everyone else step out of the main door before me. My eyes looked around the space one last time; a trick of the light nearly convinced me I saw Clarke’s golden hair just turning around the corner at the far end of the hallway.

“May we meet again,” I whispered, the words echoing in the emptiness.

I swore I heard her repeat it back to me.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**_Clarke’s POV:_ **

The moment I left the shadow of Mount Weather, I felt lighter. I turned around to look at the mountain one last time, a sense of peace coming over me at the work I’d done to repay my debt to those I’d killed. However, all of the days spent burying the inhabitants of the bunker didn’t assuage my guilt over what I’d done to save my people. Once I came to that realization, I put the drawing of Bellamy back in the classroom, left him a coded note, and made sure to place it in as conspicuous of a place as possible. Then, I departed the bunker for what would hopefully be the last time.

I didn’t look back once after I hit the tree line.

~*~*~*~

The tree where I’d told Bellamy he wasn’t a monster was only about a half a day’s walk from Mount Weather, so I reached it with the sun still high in the sky. I would give Bellamy a week to find me—after that I would be gone, leaving him another clue.

A little ways away from the tree was Dax’s hastily dug grave. The morning after Bellamy and I had woken up to his body lying there, I put my clinical detachment to use and got to work removing his boots and jacket so someone else in camp could stay warm during the winter. Once Bellamy had controlled his emotions, he began digging a very poor excuse of a grave, but we were limited on supplies and tools, so it was the best we could do. After we had finished burying Dax and returned to the supply depot to retrieve the guns and blankets, there was something different between us. 

When we had gotten back to camp, he told everyone to get me whatever I needed, when before the trip he’d been astutely refusing anything I said I needed.

 _Bellamy_. I sighed and set my pack on the ground next to our tree before sitting down and leaning against the trunk. The last few weeks we had been working together to get the forty-four out of Mount Weather had really bonded us. We were each other’s conscience, the person we confided in, the person we turned to for advice, the person we could completely trust. But I had hurt him, and I doubted he would keep that same amount of trust in me because I left him. 

At some point during my trek through the woods, I’d decided to let Bellamy do and say whatever he needed to when he found me. He had a right to shout and yell at me for leaving him and the forty-four without a real explanation, and I deserved any and all of the possibly hurtful things he threw my way.

I rubbed my temples and closed my eyes. Now was not the time to get lost in thought. I was in unsafe territory and I what I needed to be doing was keeping an eye out for Grounders, friendly or otherwise, and also setting up my campsite.

Slinging my backpack onto my shoulders, I began looking around the nearby area for some firewood. As I gathered broken branches, I made sure to put a fair amount of small sticks and twigs in the middle section of my pack to use in later fires. After I got the fire started with some of the matches and gasoline from Mount Weather and it was going strong, I pulled out the blankets and small tarp I’d also taken from the bunker. I folded the tarp in half, setting it on the dirt a couple of feet away from the fire and then put the two blankets on top of it to create my bedroll. The sun was just beginning to set as I opened up a package of dehydrated fruit for my dinner.

I’d discovered the stash of dried and dehydrated ration packs on one of my evening wanderings in the bunker while looking for some nonperishable food around the kitchen. While I was rummaging in a cupboard, I hit my head and backed up into a big bin, knocking it to the ground, which caused the lid to come off and spill the container’s contents all over the floor. Packets and packets full of what looked like military-type rations were in the bin, and my eyes lit at the sight. This was the kind of food that we needed when we first got here on the drop ship because it was packed full of nutrients and proteins meant to keep the body healthy even if there wasn’t much to go around all of the time.

Thankfully, this was after my incident with the mirror, so I dragged the bin back to my rooms with me and began stuffing a backpack full of the ration packs. Finding that bin gave me the push I needed to stop wallowing in fear and pain in Mount Weather and to go back into the woods to handle my grief without the threat of broken glass. It seemed that after months had passed, the worst of my guilt was beginning to leave as I came to terms with what I’d done and how I’d tried my best to remedy it. 

I just didn’t know if Bellamy would accept what I had done to get to this point. As I ate, I stared into the crackling embers of the fire, pretending I saw pictures of things in the glowing bits of burning wood. The woods came alive once the darkness of nighttime settled over the earth, and I watched in awe, still, as the bioluminescent plants and creatures came out of their hiding places to do whatever it was they did at night. Not long after that, I feel asleep in my blankets, using a clean shirt as a pillow. My gun was next to me on the ground, in easy reach in case of an attacker, and my pack tucked into the end of the blankets by my feet so it wouldn’t get stolen. 

The next several days passed without incident. I took a trip into the supply depot with a flashlight to see if there was anything still there after Kane and his men had gone through it after the Ark landed. Kane. From the time I’d spent in Camp Jaha, he and my mom seemed to be on much better terms now than they ever were on the Ark. If I didn’t know any better, I would say it was out of necessity, but I did know better—even though Kane had changed his ways since being on the ground, it wasn’t able to hide the fact that he was in love with my mother.

I just hoped they were all doing better now that the forty-four were back and reunited with their parents. I hoped they were healing and learning to deal with their bad memories of Mount Weather and that they were given the space they needed to grieve as well. I hoped the camp had accepted Lincoln as one of their own now because he was with Octavia, and stopped flinching whenever they saw him. It was a lot to ask of them to do without me, but I knew I had to leave in order for them to survive and thrive.

Now that I had been gone for three months, I was beginning to doubt my own desire to someday return to Camp Jaha. The supply depot had been virtually cleaned out of everything and anything useful by Kane’s men. All I had were the memories of Bellamy teaching me how to shoot a gun with his hands on my back and his breath tickling my ear. The fight with Dax after the hallucinogenic nuts wore off, prominently played in my mind as I returned to my campsite for the night after the unsuccessful trip.

Bellamy had one more day to find me here before I left for the river clan Lincoln had spoken of so long ago.

~*~*~*~

I awoke the next morning to frost once again coating my blanket and hair, and the fire burned out. There was a bitter chill in the air today. The slow-moving clouds in the sky cast everything into a gray tint, making me wonder if today would be the day I would first experience snow. 

Quickly restarting the fire, I rubbed my hands together to warm them up. I dug inside my pack for the thick gloves and woolen hat I’d found and immediately felt warmer once they were on. Next, I unlaced my boots and checked my soles before putting on another pair of socks over my previous pair to keep my toes warmer inside of my boots. The blisters I’d developed on the backs of my heels on the way down from the mountain had gotten smaller thanks to the salve I put on every morning. I could only hope they wouldn’t be aggravated any further once I started my journey east tomorrow. 

Even after the sun had risen and flooded the forest with its light and warmth, it wasn’t enough to fight off the bitterness of the cold in the air; the frost remained on the ground, the sun’s heat not enough to melt it. I spent the majority of the day wrapped in my blankets huddled next to the fire. If this was just the beginning of winter, then I needed to find better shelter before the snows came and made traveling impossible. 

As the sun began to set on the final day I’d given Bellamy to come to me, I resigned myself to journeying alone for a time longer. With my knife, I carved a crescent moon and several parallel squiggles into the bark of the tree. As an afterthought, I added a quick letter ‘E’ to it as well. This would be his final clue.

The next morning dawned as bleary as yesterday’s, and I packed with an air of urgency. I swept the ashes from my fire all around to dissipate any signs of there being a camp here. With everything in my backpack and as much evidence of my stay there gone, I looked at our tree one more time before starting the long trek to the east.

“May we meet again,” I said as I walked off into the sunrise.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what did you think? How are my characterizations? Where do you think it's going? Please comment and tell me your thoughts because they help me improve as an author and also to see it from a different perspective. I'll hopefully get the third chapter up in a more timely manner! xx


	3. The Discovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And of course, in the middle of finals, I've decided to give you guys another chapter!

~*~*~*Camp Jaha*~*~*~ 

_Daytime after Bellamy and company leave_

“What do you mean they left on a hunting trip this morning at dawn? I didn’t authorize any hunting parties to go until after the morning meal,” Kane said, frustrated.

The guard he was talking to hardly understood the magnitude of the situation. “I didn’t want to undermine Bellamy’s leadership role and tell him that he couldn’t go out hunting. They had spears and knives with them, along with backpacks with rations and medical supplies so I just assumed they were going after bigger game and wanted to be prepared for any situation. It all checked out fine to me,” the guard explained, now very aware of the mistake he made.

“Well does it still seem fine to you now that you know we’re missing four handguns and a semiautomatic, and those kids are the ones who took them?” Kane replied.

“Uh, no I guess not,” the guard trailed off.

“That’s right. You let five grieving teenagers and their hotheaded, impulsive leader leave without thoroughly searching their packs and asking exactly where they were going and when they would be back. If the kids start sneaking out once they find out about this, it’s on you to find them all,” Marcus threatened, pointing a finger at the guard’s chest.

The guard nodded quickly in understanding before turning and leaving. Kane rubbed his face slowly and exhaled a big breath. Re-assimilating all of those teenagers back into Camp Jaha had been enough work even without half of them questioning the Council’s leadership over Bellamy’s. The only way he’d gotten them to put in some work was to allow Bellamy into the council meetings as a show of solidarity and to make it seem like his leadership was being accepted and listened to.

But now Bellamy had gone and just left camp with supplies and guns for several days worth of traveling without telling Kane or Abby, and things would surely go downhill once the rest of the forty-four found out.

Kane walked down to the med bay and knocked on the wall to let Abby know he was there.

“Come in,” she said. He stepped in and found her organizing some supplies in a cabinet. “Marcus? What is it? Is it Clarke, is she back?”

He folded his hands behind his back and shook his head. “Bellamy and five others left camp early this morning with five guns, hunting weapons, and three packs of supplies without telling the guards where they were going or when they would be back. All he said was it was an early morning hunting trip to help stock up for winter,” he explained.

Abby pressed her lips into a thin line. “Are you sure they weren’t meeting up with Clarke in secret?”

“I don’t know for sure. I’m having the engineering room discreetly monitored for any radio signals belonging to them in case they communicate with Raven Reyes or Kyle Wick. The guards have also been notified to keep an eye out for Clarke and Bellamy’s party,” he rattled off.

She nodded in acknowledgement, staring down at the map of the ground on the council table. Abby rested her hands on the edge of the table and hung her head, taking in a shuddering breath.

“It’s been three months, Marcus. What if she’s already dead and we just don’t know it? What if she’s been in Mount Weather this whole time, going insane from her guilt? What if she’s not my daughter anymore?” Abby said, sorrowful. Kane stepped over to her and placed his arm around her shoulders as he broke down, her tears falling onto the map.

Kane exhaled before he confidently stated, “Clarke will always be your daughter. No one and nothing can take that away from you, from her. She’s strong, like her mother. I’m sure she’s doing just fine wherever she is. And if I know anything about her and Bellamy’s relationship, he’ll be able to find her no matter where she goes.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**_Bellamy’s POV:_**

“Raven, come in,” I clicked the button on my radio to allow her a chance to respond.

“I’m getting you loud and clear, Bellamy,” Raven’s voice, if interrupted with a bit of static, came through the speaker. “Did you find her?”

“Negative. But she left us a clue. We’re headed to the supply depot now. I just don’t know how long ago she left the clue for us so we could be chasing a ghost. Will keep you updated. Over and out,” I replied.

“Stay safe out there. Radio me with any news or if you’re in trouble. Over and out,” Raven said before shutting her end of the line off.

I stuffed the radio back into one of the pockets of my pants and walked back to the rest of the group at the edge of the woods.

“Let’s go,” I uttered, pulling my gun from my waistband and gripping it tighter than was probably necessary. Really, I held it so tight so the others wouldn’t see my hands shaking in anticipation and fear of what I might find at our tree.

Clouds obscured the sun, making the chill in the air worse and our visibility lower under the cover of the trees. The light began fading rapidly as the afternoon wore on, so I quickened the pace at which we were hiking. For the first hour it had been difficult to determine which direction to go in, considering I’d never gone to the supply depot from this direction before, but I figured it out once I saw some familiar landmarks. 

As we got closer to the area, my nerves spiked and my hands began to sweat profusely. What if she never wanted to talk to me or see me again after I got to her? What if she was certifiably insane and this was her way of getting me to walk into her trap to kill me? What if she didn’t feel the same way I felt about the whole goddamn situation? 

I walked right past the tree for at least fifteen feet because I was absorbed in my thoughts. “Shit,” I muttered, turning around and trudging back to it. My heart fell at the empty site and faint evidence of her camping some time prior. She wasn’t here anymore. Clarke had left me for good.

“God damn it, Clarke!” I yelled, picking up a broken bit of a branch and chucking it at the tree in frustration. Jasper jumped at the sound it made as it hit the tree’s trunk with a loud crack. 

“Bellamy, everything will be fine. We’ll find her,” Monroe attempted reassuring me.

“These ashes look like they’re only a day or two old. We’re not that far behind her,” Monty said from near a pile of poorly scattered ashes.

“Plus, she left you a clue in Mount Weather, so why wouldn’t she have left you one here too? There aren’t any signs of a scuffle. Come on, Bellamy, use that brain of yours, you know all of this!” Miller exclaimed.

I closed my eyes and attempted to control my breathing. They were right about everything. Pinching the bridge of my nose, I told them to start setting up camp. “I’m going to collect firewood. If I’m not back in an hour, radio me but don’t come looking for me unless you get no response, got it?”

The five of them nodded and got to work with getting the sleeping gear and dinner ready as daylight began to fade. I set out deeper into the woods with my gun securely in my waistband and radio in pocket. 

Forty-five minutes later I returned to the campsite, my arms completely full of wood for the fire. Monty had found some smaller sticks, twigs, and dead leaves to use as kindling and had gotten the fire started with those. I dropped the bigger pieces of branches I’d found next to the small fire and rolled my shoulders to release some of the built-up lactic acid from carrying the wood for so long. A quick nod from Monty let me know he had seen the pile and would be using it soon.

Harper and Monroe had gotten out six sleeping bags and two small tents and set both tents on the opposite side of the fire where I’d dropped the wood. Jasper was organizing the ration packets and muttering something about adding certain greens to add more flavor to them, but it was just soft enough I didn’t quite understand him. Miller was standing a ways away from the group, over by Dax’s hastily dug grave. I treaded over to him quietly, my hands tucked into my jacket pockets.

“I heard he tried to kill you,” Miller said monotonously, somehow knowing I was standing behind him.

“He did. He also tried to kill Clarke,” I replied gruffly.

Miller nodded solemnly, staring down at the moss-covered grave. “Do you know why he tried to kill you?”

“Not for sure. But I had the feeling Shumway had put him up to it. He did the same thing with me to get me to shoot Jaha to get onto the drop ship. I’m glad he didn’t survive on the journey down. He was corruption incarnate and he deserved to die,” the hateful words spewed out without warning.

“We don’t get to choose who gets to live and who dies, though, remember. The ground does,” Miller responded, turning and walking to the now roaring fire.

I stood near Dax’s grave a few minutes longer until it got too dark to see it clearly. Then I returned to the fire to get warm and some dinner. We soon decided on a guard rotation and fell into easy conversation about various projects going on in Camp Jaha while eating around the fire. The piercing cold settled deep into my bones as I sat on first watch, even with the fire still going a few feet away. I let my mind wander as the night wore on, no longer flinching at the apparitions of Clarke that seemed to appear between the trees as my eyes swept the surrounding area, leading my thoughts to linger on her.  
  
They didn’t get a chance to linger for long though, as Miller stepped out of the tent to relieve me a few minutes later. I stood up, stretching my arms above my head to get the blood flowing through them again. Clapping him on the shoulder, I ducked into the tent and crawled over Monroe to my sleeping bag. I unlaced my boots and shimmied into the aptly named mummy bag, falling asleep almost instantly.

~*~*~*~

All of us woke up to the smell of meat cooking over the fire and sunlight beckoning us to rise. Blearily, I rubbed my eyes and sat up as Miller and Monroe did the same next to me. I held back the tent flap for the other two before stepping out myself. Monty was squatting next to the revived fire, roasting what looked to be two skinned rabbits on a crude spit.

“Good morning, everyone,” he said cheerily as the five of us yawned, stretched, and then shivered in the cold morning sunlight.

My gaze swept the ground, noticing the layer of frost on everything, including the multi-colored leaves on the ground. This early, the sun somewhat reflected off of the tree bark, making it a bit hard to see. Subconsciously, my eyes flitted to the tree Clarke and I had leaned against. A flash of a different color on the bark had me squinting my eyes to see it better. However, I was still too far away, so I strode over to the tree for a closer look. My jaw nearly dropped open when I saw what was carved into the tree.

“Clarke,” I said hoarsely.

“What was that, Bellamy?” Miller asked.

I turned to face them, pointing a finger at the markings scratched deep into the bark. “Looks like we’ve got our next clue for our impromptu Clarke scavenger hunt,” I said dryly.

Harper was the first to get over to the tree and peered at the carvings. “What are they, some kind of hieroglyphics?”

“Yes and no,” I answered. “Remember when Clarke wanted us to travel east to a river and a friendly Grounder clan to Lincoln’s friend Luna?” They nodded slowly. “Well, ‘luna’ is Latin for ‘moon,’ which is the symbol here. The squiggles mean a large body of moving water—a river or ocean, typically. And the ‘E’ means ‘east.’ Put them together, and you get Luna of the Water clan of the ocean to the east.”

“That’s wonderful, Bellamy!” “Great job on finding that!” “That was really smart!” The others voiced their praises and I held up a hand to quiet them.

“Come on guys, it wasn’t even that hard. We learned this in class back on the Ark, and why else would I have named my sister Octavia, hm?” I smiled for what seemed like the first time in months.

They all laughed at that and I laughed with them, lifting all of our spirits a little bit. The sound of sizzling meat broke through our laughter.

“Oh no, the rabbits!” Monty exclaimed, running back to the spit and turning them over quickly, attempting to salvage the now mostly charred meat.

After we ate a hearty breakfast of rabbit and ice-cold water, we packed up and began trekking due east, looking for any signs of Clarke. Before we got too far, I radioed Raven and Wick with the new development and where we were heading next. The response I got was full of static, which meant we were getting out of range and would be losing contact with her soon. With any luck, though, we would catch up to Clarke or at least find signs of where she’d been traveling quickly enough and return to Camp Jaha before we got too far east when winter finally set in. The clue kept our spirits up throughout the day, and so did the beautiful fall weather happening around us with red and purple and blue leaves falling all around us, exposing the creatures that typically hid behind them.

Now all that we needed was a short blonde girl to show up and join the party.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**_Raven’s POV:_**

It was lucky that Wick and I were already awake and tinkering when Bellamy radioed in the early morning with news. His signal was faint and full of static due to the tree cover they were under, but I managed to clean his transmission up to understand what he was saying. They were traveling east to the ocean and the Water clan to try and catch up to Clarke before she got there. I signaled back to let them know I heard their message, but it sounded like a bad transmission even on my end.

I sat back in my chair and crossed my arms over my chest.  
  
“They’ll be just fine, Raven. They can handle themselves,” Wick said knowingly, not even looking up from his project.

I huffed once in response before reluctantly returning to the mass of metal and wire on the workbench in front of me. Wick kept me grounded most of the time, but even his semi-constant state of security couldn’t stop me from worrying about Bellamy and the others out looking for Clarke in legitimate foreign territory. If it weren’t for my damned leg I would be out there with them, helping them search for her. Thanks to the psycho doctor in Mount Weather, my leg was even more messed up after she’d started drilling into it for my bone marrow. All of the progress I’d been making with the brace went down the drain after that.

The first couple of weeks back at camp were rough for me; I lashed out at almost everyone, and I had a perpetual scowl on my face. Wick, Bellamy, and Monty were the only ones who could stand to be around me for more than a few minutes at a time. But I appreciated it because even while I wasn’t showing it, their companionship helped me heal emotionally and mentally little by little.

As long as they didn’t die on their way to find Clarke, I wouldn’t be mad at them.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**_Clarke’s POV:_**

Words could hardly describe the beauty surrounding me. Nearly everything became invigorated with bioluminescence as the moon rose high into the sky and illuminated it all. We’d been on the ground now for nearly six months and still I could not get over the magnificence of the radiation-soaked earth. All that I wanted to do was sit on a mossy rock and sketch the woods—during the daytime and the nighttime—for days on end.  

Sketching right now, though, was a luxury I couldn’t afford as I journeyed on to the eastern sea and the remembrance of a promise of safety.

Eleven days and nights came and went as I continued due east through the forest. As night fell on the twelfth day, the air seemed different to me. It smelled, no— _tasted_ differently than it had ever since we landed on the ground: as if salt had been infused into the air particles.

 _Salt_. Saltwater. I was close to the sea. Or, at least I thought I was. In reality, I had no way of judging the distance to Luna’s tribe because the aroma most likely carried pretty far inland, if my memories from Earth Skills were correct. And in all honesty, it wasn’t like I was trying to sneak into their camp. I was going to walk straight into it—if I could find it—talk with them, and accept however they chose to treat me. Part of me knew it was my mind still thinking I deserved so much worse than I was getting. Another, small, part of me hoped Bellamy would find me before I even made it to the ocean. 

The sound of several twigs snapping behind me had me whirling around, gun loaded and in position to shoot. I thought I heard several voices whispering, though try as I might to strain my ears, I didn’t hear anything else after two minutes of listening.

I kept the gun out but turned the safety back on and let my arm fall back to my side as I resumed walking, my eyes and ears on high alert.

Something was going on here, and I was determined not to die if it came to fighting.

~*~*~*~

**_Bellamy’s POV:_**

“Quiet, quiet!” I whispered, waving my arm at Jasper and Harper, both of who had stepped on some twigs and almost didn’t move behind tree cover in time to avoid being seen by Clarke.

It was by some miracle we managed not only to find her trail, but also to follow it and catch up with her considering we had no idea how long she’d been traveling for.

I waited until Clarke resumed her walk forward to whisper to the other five. “Listen up, guys. This is a potentially troublesome situation and I don’t want any of us to get hurt or die today, alright? We’re not sure what Clarke’s mental stability is right now and she’s armed with a gun and several knives. That means we need to go about this very carefully and in a certain way.”

Miller and Monroe tightened their grips on their weapons while Harper, Jasper, and Monty suddenly looked much younger than they were.

“Which is why I’m going to walk right up to her, unarmed,” I declared, shushing them immediately before their expletives attracted Clarke’s attention.

“Let me finish! Monty, since you were the second to last person she talked to before she left, you’ll follow me exactly one minute after I make my presence known to her,” I turned to the other four. “Meanwhile, Miller, Jasper, Harper, and Monroe are going to go around the outsides and circle around so Clarke can’t run away from us. Everyone got it? Good, let’s go.”

~*~*~*~

**_Clarke’s POV:_**

I walked forward as if I thought the sound was just a small creature when I really knew the snapped twigs had been from a carelessly placed boot. After getting far enough away so they would think I was just further ahead, I began circling back around to investigate who these idiots were thinking they could follow me so easily.

~*~*~*~

**_Bellamy’s POV:_**

“Get over further, Jasper! You need to be far enough away to blend into the trees at a quick glance! Monroe, good! Alright, Monty, let’s go,” I instructed as I rose from my crouching position, feeling bare without a gun in my hand.

I had taken one step forward when the sound of snapping twigs from several feet to my left behind me had me whirling around and pulling a hidden knife out quickly.

“Really, Bellamy? You were going to come up to me and say you were unarmed? You should know better than to say that to a doctor who knows how to kill now with her bare hands,” Clarke said haughtily as she materialized from behind a cluster of trees.

All thoughts of approaching this moment with carefully predicted and precise actions flew out of my mind as I tried to comprehend that she was actually here in front of me and not just one of my apparitions.

“Clarke?” I asked, my voice hoarse. It took all my strength not to fall to my knees and break down right then and there.

Tapping a finger on the strap of her backpack, she bit her lip and then nodded quickly, almost as if she was afraid of something.

“Hey, guys! Come back, Clarke’s over here!” Monty shouted, frantically waving the other four over. “Clarke,” he said, excitement evident in his voice.

A smile brighter than the sun appeared on her face as she replied, “Come here, Monty,” and held out her arms to him. He didn’t hesitate in giving her a bone-crushing hug, whispering in her ear while I just stood there, dumbfounded.

She held onto him tightly for a minute longer before relinquishing her grip on him and accepting brief hugs from Miller, Monroe, and Harper. Jasper still stood apart from the group a bit, but gave Clarke a solemn nod, which she returned. Finally, she turned to me. After seeing her so happy with the others, the sudden fear on her face made me question my next words.

Clarke spoke first. “If you need to yell at me, do it. I deserve it after leaving you to lead the hundred by yourself.”

Before I responded to her, I studied her curiously. Her demeanor with the others was far too bright considering the state she’d left me—us—in three months ago, but facing me she seemed scared. Had the radiation finally gotten to her? I took a step towards her and watched as she recoiled from my advancement. Had _I_ finally gotten to her?

“I’m not going to yell at you. Not yet, at least. Right now, we’re going to turn around and make camp at a clearing not far from here. And then you’re going to talk,” I said in my don’t-be-stupid-Clarke voice.

She merely nodded once again before slipping the other strap of her backpack onto her shoulder and falling into step with Monty ahead of me. The small smile she plastered on her face didn’t fool me for one second. Clarke was hurting, still, and I wasn’t so sure that I wasn’t part of the problem. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me in my trash can on tumblr (@deadgranger) and send me prompts/ideas/whatever you want! I should hopefully get another chapter up sometime around New Years, along with the beginning to a new fic featuring Bellamy, Lexa, and Clarke! Comments and kudos are always very much appreciated :)


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